My heart is torn.

Walk for Life West Coast was AMAZING! The light in my heart for Christ and His people was lit so much brighter because of today. MAN, I LOVE JESUS!!

On another note, please pray for me. My parents, who initially expressed support in me going on this mission trip, have changed their mind and no longer want me to go. It really tears me up inside, because it took me a lot of prayer and discernment to figure out that this is what God wants me to do. Now that my parents are against me serving, though, I'm very confused as to what to do now.

I suppose it's because I've never been more certain that this is what God wants me to do. For once in my discernment process, the Spirit has really moved me to go on this trip, and prayer and Adoration has led me to the same conclusion - God wants me to go. And I want to follow Him.

Lack of support from my parents has been a recurring problem for me. I know that they have hopes and dreams when it comes to my future, the problem is that their hopes and dreams for me are not what make me happy or bring me peace. I often feel like I'm living a double life - one in which I am discerning my vocation (possibly to the religious life), and one in which I am pursuing a career in business law.

To be frank and honest about the whole thing, I don't want to do business. I don't want to do law. The only reason I told my parents I wanted to be a lawyer was so I could major in Philosophy. My work right now as an accounting assistant only further convinces me that this is not what I want to be doing with my life.

The only time I ever feel happy and fulfilled is when I'm doing the work of the Lord, spreading His Word, sharing the joy He has brought me, helping His children in need, and letting others know that He changed my life. Nothing else has ever meant more to me, or made me happier.

If my parents were supportive, I guess I would be more active in my discernment process. My heartstrings sound like a symphony when I contemplate on the idea of using my life to serve the Lord and build up His Kingdom. Unfortunately, the beautiful music is drowned out by what my parents and the world expect from me: good education, good job, make money.

I wish I could tell them how I felt. I wish I could explain to my dad that God is calling me to do something else with my life. I don't know if it's marriage or religious life, but I know it is certainly not to be a rich and successful corporate lawyer. I really wish that I could tell them why I want to go to Honduras without being cut off after the first word of every sentence. I wish I could tell my parents that I don't care about making money, that pursuing their goals for me at this time is what is really making me go insane, and that I need to be able to seek God's will whole heartedly without worrying about what they think. Yeah, right....I wish it was that easy.

I want to cry. Actually, I'm already crying in my heart.